Monday, March 9, 2009

The Perfect Anxiety

Sometimes my creative energy is more like a leveling force: I feel the need for order and consistency.

My customers ask me: where are the new items you promised? We are anxious to see more of your stuff! And I blush and make more promises.

I vowed never to reveal too much of my inner life on this blog, but today, I am breaking all the rules. The truth is, I am a closet perfectionist. Yes, if every detail is not as I had envisioned it, my happy self recoils into a surly, withdrawn and lazy hermit.

Being a writer and scholar, most of my life has been spent using words to express myself. How easy, that! Words; my dear friends... They never need too much coaxing to flow onto the page in beautiful order and logic, nevertheless able to express the most profound and obscure of thoughts. But when it comes to pictures, fabric, gems... These things are so shy! They need attention, promises, whispers in the night to obey that beautiful vision I glimpse through the clouds of my subconscious. Sometimes they would rather perish in a rebellious fit of self-destruction than bend to my will. Oh, you breathless things!

I am going to make the most gloriously imperfect ring I can think of; I am going to let it emerge all on its own into its being. I will call it "The Perfectionist's Nightmare", because it is usually your worst fear that will cure you of fear itself.


LeLe said...

I'd love to see the imperfect ring. :)


JuliaA said...

beautiful post. and very relatable.

i wish words would flow so easily for me--but they don't really.

nor do jewelry designs and photos...ohh i want gorgeous photos and can never seem to get the knack for capturing the beauty quite like i want.

you never know, what you see as imperfection might be someone else's inspiration. or it might become someone's cherished listing that they revisit over and over before finally, shyly, buying.

Anonymous said...

Well obviously you're a writer - sheesh! How gorgeous. I think that some things should be celebrated for their imperfections, but that's just me. :)

Randomocity said...

I know how you feel. You don't want to put just anything out there!